Change is the only constant in my life.

Posted by AngiGrrrl on 11/17/2010 in Musings |

As I continue my journey with Cirque I have taken time to reflect on the changes my life has taken.  No longer am I the world traveling gypsy. No longer do I constantly think ahead to my next job, my next ship, my next city. I have sprouted a few roots here in Lasvegasland. I am learning my neighborhood and don’t rely solely on Daniel (my GPS) to get around.  I have a general idea of where things are located.
In my not-so-distant past I lived several lives at once.  I was really three different people. (All me, but different incarnations.) In one place I was a Suzy Homemaker type, wife and step-mother.  In another I was Queen of the Seas where I mothered my brood of dancers and singers while living it up on my ships.  Lastly I was the Stage Manager who was slightly jaded and who pined for the past “Glory Days.”
As I try to weave these three together into the “new me,” I have taken lots of time to reflect. It got me thinking of my whole life and all the “different people” I have been.  You know what I mean, that person you were in high school while you struggled to find your identity, that slightly bolder person you were in college, the one who thought they knew it all after graduation.  These are only my versions, everyone has their own path.. but I hope you see what I am saying.
I used to tell people, “I resist change.” And I suppose that was true.  But I realized several years ago that change is the only constant in my life.  I actually seek out change.  I still haven’t really figured out what I want to be when I grow up.  I am always up to try something new. This is not a bad thing, it’s just how I live my life.
When I took the job at Cirque I knew things were going to change a lot.  My lifestyle is different now.  I have the excitement of an ever-changing job but coupled with a place to call home. Things have not all fallen neatly into place….yet.  My husband, dog and the home I own are still all far away in Florida. I still have itchy feet because the travel bug is deep in my system. But so many of my “forever friends” live here that I feel connected and solid and loved.
A great friend of mine has been teaching me about living in the HereNow.  This was an alien concept to me a few short months ago.  I was programmed to always look ahead to my new job, my new ship, my new cast. Live this moment right now? Right this second? Why?  I need to think about next week, next month, next year.  Yeah… It’s hard work living in the moment.  I am getting there.  I’d say I live 70% in the HereNow.  Not too shabby, as I think before it was maybe 10%.  Seriously.
So here I am.  In my living room, listening to Jane Says on the ipod while my roomie makes a sandwich in the kitchen. What will I do with the rest of my day off?  Eh.  I’ll decide as it comes. I am right here, right now.  Living and loving and BEING.
I am content. Thank you, Universe.
(and thank you, Sarah, for requesting a new blog post.)

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