I have been going through and interesting phase. I’m calling it, You’re nobody special.
It’s an introspective time for me, growing up an only child – I was given a quite different point of view.
This is not a blog of the depressed. I am not crying out for help, I am exploring my feeling of moving from a small pond to an ocean.
I am the grrrl who makes things happen. I get it done. But swimming in a place where almost everyone else is the same quality of employee as me is sort of new.
*ahem* If you are reading this because you know me, please know I wouldn’t be friends with you if I didn’t respect your work ethic.
Anyway, I’m no longer the “go to” grrrl in my job. Weird for me. Made me think more about being part of the whole.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a team player and I always have been. I’m just used to being more in charge.
I have not been an Assistant Stage Manager in years. Like 6 or 7 years. I am just readjusting.
Let me back up a bit. Working for a big company like I do now, it took me a while to learn all of the aspects of my job. Not the track, that I picked up quickly, but the day to day things. What is everyone’s name? How do I get to the admin offices? Which key unlocks that door? Who do I tell that piece of information to? All that stuff, that has taken time. Now I feel fairly confident, I know most of the answers and if I don’t, I know who to ask.
Awesome, right? Yeah. Well now I have time to notice all the 10 million other things the SM’s handle and the 5 million additional things the GSM handles. And somehow that translates in my mind from something amazeballs like ‘check out how awesome this team is to deal with these 35 million things to make this brilliant show happen’ and into ‘here are the 12 things I handle.’
Right?! How can I be so self involved to flip that? I’ll tell you how. Programming. Expectation. Combine this with a high self confidence level and you get me.
What I have done is taken a step down to get into a company I really want to work for. I went from somebody to nobody on purpose.
Now I have to deal with the ramifications of that statement. I’m nobody special….yet.
Yeah, yeah. I’m not a pessimist. I always see the silver lining. That’s what keeps me going.
I’m blogging because I like to write and I have long ago come to understand that no matter how much your friends love you, they will not read your blog.